I discuss living together frequently with clients who are struggling in their relationships. Their problems often stem from moving in together. Often, a couple “just moved in” and created many negative patterns. Expectations were high, and planning was nil: a recipe for creating problems.
Living together is a drastic change from dating. When a couple lives apart, there are built in transitions from alone time, work or chores. Getting ready, shaving and showering, driving to meet: all the preparations for the date create pleasant anticipation.
When you share living space, that anticipation is gone. Even during preparation time for an evening out, you’re usually together. The anticipation and preparation for romance is harder to find. How do you move from emptying the garbage to feeling romantic?
Consider all the different attitudes and activities you share in a given day. You are workers, friends, trouble-shooters, perhaps parents, playmates, and lovers. You … Read More